When the Fighting Starts

AmericanEagleMost people are willing to let others live as they want. But when they start trying to pass laws saying you can’t live the way you want or believe what you want – that is when the fighting starts.

Different parts of the country have to think differently to get their jobs done. simple as that.  The United States are just that, different states, who should be allowed to have some differences.

People these days just want to bitch and rile other people up. If you are gay then move to a gay community that will accept you, not to an area that you know won’t. If you don’t like stinking cows and other animals, then stay out of rural areas. If you are one faith and others bother you, then don’t live in those communities. You can’t go to another country and demand they change to suit you, so why do that in this country?  I don’t want to be like or live like the communities on the southern west coast or New York or Chicago and I am sure they don’t want to live like I do.  I am a small town girl.  They are big city.  As much as they want to think they are progressive and “free thinking”, they are not.

Different states are , well…different. That is what is wonderful. I don’t want a country that is the same no matter where I go. It saddened me when I went to Sweden and found a Burger King there.  There was nothing original there.  When I went to shop for something that was “Swedish” to take home, I discovered almost all the souvenirs were made in China.  CHINA.  The exact same stuff you can find in any truck stop here except with Sweden on there somewhere.  I can hardly wait to see if voodoo is still in New Orleans.  I want to be in awe, excited to see what is different, how history had shaped them into what they became.  Before we all become homogenized.  I may not believe or agree with a culture but that doesn’t mean I want them to change and I don’t want them to change me.  The world is a much smaller place than it used to be, most of the wonder is gone.  How sad for us.

There is room for everyone. Everyone claims tolerance yet bitches about everyone else, yeh tolerance.  Not.  It seems these days no one respects another opinion or lifestyle about anything.
I do blame our President for part of this, but the other part is on us. We can either act like adults and act right or listen to some airhead telling us what to think. Why can’t we like each other for our differences?

Ok, my soapbox is falling apart now. Thank you for reading if you got this far.


You say ADD, I say Right Brained

A friend of mine posted a link (see below) to an article about ADHD.  It is a funnier look at one person’s way to deal with it.

I had trouble all through school and I was told not to even try for college.  Now that is just plain wrong to tell someone that. They did not know about ADD or ADHD back then (yes I am that old).  Well, I did go to college and earned a 3.6 grade average.  I thought it was a fluke and thought nothing of it.  This earned me a way into a white collar job.  I was an Engineering Tech.  The worse job for me but didn’t know it.  I thought it was about drawing.  It is, sorta.  It more about math, ew.  But I managed to get my work done and not lose my job.

My daughter started having trouble in school.  The same problems I had.  She would forget her homework, her books, pencils, etc.  I talked to the teacher and asked for her to be tested.  I still didn’t know about ADD/ADHD, but  I knew something was different about us.  The teacher told me (on my mother grave’s, I swear this is true)….that my daughter didn’t have a learning disability, (here it comes)…she is lazy.  I just stared at her.  My daughter isn’t lazy, so I had the testing done on my own.  My daughter and I are both extreme right brained.  I was diagnosed with ADD, border line ADHD later on.  I still don’t know if they are the same.  BTW, not to brag, but I was later tested and have an IQ of 134.  I know it is just a number but it made me feel good knowing my teachers were wrong, wrong, WRONG! I went to college a second time and won a full scholarship and made the Deans list.  Actually got a degree the second time

Here is an example of what it is like being extreme right brained:  I used to come out of office meetings not knowing what the heck they were about because I was too busy thinking about more exciting things than an office meeting.  I did have a sneaky way of finding out – I just borrowed someone’s notes.  The only time that didn’t work was when I was awakened from my stupor by a direct question and an elbow in the side. 

I was like a deer in the headlights and all I could hear in my brain was “what was he saying, oh my God they have found me out and I am going to be jobless then homeless…..what will I say to my mom, she will never believe this.” Then my friend next to me pointed to something on his sheet of notes and I blurted out the answer.  The amazing thing…I was right!  The moral of this story?  Have good friends.

My advice to make it easier? Pick a job more suited to you. Get nice, patient and understanding bosses. I don’t know how I lasted twenty some years in that field and not get fired.  Oh wait! I did get fired once.  That doesn’t count it was more about him being a jerk than my work.  I do extremely well in my element, you take me out of that element, I panic and drown. I stayed at this one job for just under twelve years.  The woman who had tested my daughter and I said that was highly unusual for someone like me.  Extreme right brained people get bored very easy.  Maybe because at that job I didn’t just do Engineering, I sometimes did Architectural, Electrical or even Mechanical work.  I did get variety. but It was very stressful for me most days.  Right brained people use their left brain, but the left side does not share the information until it has the answer.  I did poorly in math because I couldn’t show my work, I had no idea how I got the answer.  I would fail Common Core miserably if it had been in schools back then.  I learned to use colors to help me remember and I knew I could not remember anything verbal, it had to be written down.  I had sticky notes all around my monitor.  We are visual learners.  The computer is great for me – instant gratification.

I am now disabled.  I write, I do art and photography when I can.  I have the right brain capacity to create but I don’t have the left brain capability to sell my work.  But I am happy.  That is the key to life, no matter what other people tell you, you smile, follow your heart and be happy.




My Neighbors House is Burning


My neighbors house is burning, all but ash now. As I walked over from my house, I was worried about the surrounding forest.

We live out in the country, volunteer firemen out here.  This home went up so fast it was gone before they had a chance.  I don’t know if it being a trailer made that much of a difference.

These people lost everything including several of their pets.  I was walking away when a fireman came over to tell the owner he had managed to pull two dogs out.  He did not elaborate on what condition they were in.

I lost almost everything I had back in 99.  Not as quick and violent as this was.  I had to work at not crying right along with the wife as she watched her life disappear.


I am not usually a fire chaser but this lady lived next door to some close friends of mine.  I thought it was their house on fire and I went to see if I could help.  While I am glad for my friends, I am heart broken for these people.  Tomorrow I will try and find out if  the neighborhood is planning anything to help.

When a tornado went through here two years ago, everyone helped everyone.  We are a small community and we care for and about each other.  

I took a short video, you can find it here:      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwsTdUl6vQU

My Thoughts on Being Fat

I find it disturbing that people who think of themselves as human can make fun of a fat person. I used to weigh over 300 lbs. You don’t think I was aware of how much I weighed? You really think I wanted to weigh that much? I quit going out because of uninvited quite rude or crude remarks about my size. From strangers. I got tired of going home in tears. As bad as it is from strangers, it is worse when family members do it. I started avoiding certain members of my family. Being fat is not always about being a “pig” or being lazy.

Sometimes food is an addiction.

   In my case I had a medical disorder that was finally diagnosed. I got lucky. I still have to watch my p’s and q’s but I know I will never weigh 300 lbs again. I know it is in my power to control it now.

  So before you laugh at the photo of a heavy-set person on-line, or at the mall or anywhere, stop and think about how brave it is of that person to even go out in public. To try and enjoy life, like the rest of us. If you have never had a weight problem you should get on your knees and thank God. It is NOT an easy road.


My thoughts on Pain

    I was in a car accident in 1998.  Since then I have been in  pain 24/7.  Evidently I have a low threshold for pain.  What is a threshold for pain you ask?  

According to Wikipedia:

“The threshold of pain is the point at which pain begins to be felt. It is an entirely subjective phenomenon. The intensity at which a stimulus begins to evoke pain varies from individual to individual and for a given individual over time.” 

   I realize pain is different for everyone and a person can only relate to the worst pain they personally have ever had.

   I grew up thinking you were supposed to feel pain when you went to the dentist. Those local pain shots never worked on me.  I once had a root canal done feeling every bit of it.  It wasn’t easy because I knew I had to sit still or risk having a drill go somewhere it shouldn’t.  Then the dentist broke the drill bit off in my jaw.  An hour and a half I sat in that chair, a good part of that time spent with the dentist trying to get the drill bit out.  He finally quit for the day and a week later I had to go through another hour and a half of sitting still while feeling every bit of it.  I didn’t know until at least twenty years later that he never removed that drill bit piece that was in my jaw.  They broke my jaw getting it and what was left of the tooth, out.

I now have had all my teeth pulled because they just went bad despite all the good intentions of trying to save them.  That was no picnic either.


   Back to my car accident.  I injured my back in several places and developed a bad case of Fibromyalgia. chronic fatigue and depression.  Depression is common when you have to deal with pain every day.  I went through two years of hell then I decided this is what life dealt me and I better get used to it.

   It has gotten better over the years, I finally got doctors who believed I was really in pain.  That in itself was a major hump I had to get over. I finally got put on the medication I needed to be on.  I was still in pain which varied from day-to-day and moved around, but I was better equipped mentally to deal with it.   My worse pain comes from my lower back.  I have a torn disc that sits right on my tailbone, a tailbone that got broken when I was thirteen.  

   Three months ago I changed doctors.  She asked me if I had ever been tested for Lupus.  I said no.  So she tested me and I tested positive.   She sent me to a specialist.  He tested me again and it turned out that the test I had taken before was a false positive.  I did a little research on Lupus during that month wait to get in to see the specialist.  It seems Lupus and Fibromyalgia  have the same symptoms.  They get mistaken for each other all the time.  While I don’t like the pain I am in, I am so glad I don’t have Lupus.  That is a hard road to travel. 


   The specialist asked me what was being done for my FMS.  “Nothing“ came my reply.  “What have they given you?”  Again, “Nothing”

   He seemed astounded by this information.  He gave me three prescriptions, one being prednisone.  One of the others was a muscle relaxer  (got rid of my nervous legs, so nice of it to do that for me) and I don’t know what the other did.  Will have to look it up later.   I wasn’t pain-free but I felt so much better and was sleeping more than fifteen minutes at a time (the pain wakes me up and I have to shift).  I was in Heaven for two weeks until the prednisone wore off.

  You can’t stay on prednisone.  When I first went to the specialist the nurse asked me what level of pain I was in.  I told her that I couldn’t remember what it was like to not be in pain so I had no idea what level I was at.  I know now.  When that pain came back full strength it was ten times worse.  It has to be an eleven on a scale from zero to ten.  

   During that two weeks of Heaven my grandsons got to meet the grandma who was not in pain (comparatively).  They got to see a smiling grandma who smiled for no reason.  For the first time….ever, they got to see that person.  I am now back to not sleeping, walking oddly, having trouble getting up and down stairs….not being able to make my bed. 

   A couple of weeks ago I moved wrong or did something I was not supposed to do and something shifted in my lower back.  I now have sciatica.  I thought I was in pain before, but this beats even that.  I am on prednisone for another three weeks but even it will not relieve this pain. 

   So pain is relative, it can always be worse.  I also know my pain is not as bad as others go through.  I have been asked how I do it.  What can I do?  I can bitch and moan but believe me that only makes you feel worse and it does not make any pain go away.  

 I make myself get up in the morning.  I make myself get dressed.  To me that is a mental signal that my day must begin, I cannot lay around all day.  

   By the way, I forgot to mention I am in a catch 22, if I move too much I hurt worse, if I stand still too long I hurt worse, sit too long or lay down too long.  Worse. Migraines go right along with this.

    At first I thought it was cruel that I got two weeks of an almost pain-free life, then had to go back.  Now, I realize that my family got to see the real me.  I hope they realize I am not a grouchy old woman for no reason.  Heck I didn’t realize I was a grouchy old woman until now.  I am working on that.  My life is what it is.  The worst thing for people to do is feel sorry for me, I can do the pity party just fine on my own.  I don’t need company down in that pit.

    Bottom line…I refuse to let this beat me, define me, to change what is basic of who I am inside.


My thoughts on Abortion

My thoughts

I read something on Face Book earlier today about empathy that set me to thinking about judgments, religion, my place in the world, others place in the world, abortion and empathy. I will get to all of these, but not all today.

   I think people who commit abortion are selfish, period. For whatever reason. Abortion is simply not normal for a human being to commit. Pro choice people like to cry “What about those raped!”, I would like to know the percentage of pregnancies that come out of being raped. I am rather confidant that would be a small percentage. Lets set that aside for now. What are the other reasons? What is a good enough reason to murder someone just because they exist, because they exist through an action of my own. Through my being careless – selfish. “Why should I go through pregnancy for a child I don’t want?” Why should a fetus go through the pain of being aborted, tossed aside like fat off a side of beef? Why do we cry for the rights of animals we eat and not cry for the pain of a fetus. I wonder if a fetus can feel the anger, thoughtlessness and hate coming from a mother who wants the parasite removed from her body? Maybe that fetus can’t wait to be free of her as well, but then a fetus doesn’t have the knowledge an adult human has, how it will hurt to be torn from someone who in nature is supposed to defend it with her life.
   This may sound cruel but why does that change because of rape? The fetus has no choice but be conceived. If there is a fetus it has been conceived – it is human and should have rights, but no, my selfishness overrides any desire to live by the fetus brought to life. Pro choice cries “Have empathy!” How can they say they have empathy when they see no problem in killing something that cannot voice “I WANT TO LIVE!” Even if they don’t believe a fetus is human yet – it IS alive and has a desire to live. What gives me, a human, the right to say no, you (fetus) will not live because I am selfish and I have plans and you just are not part of that. Why should I suffer because of my actions, why should I be responsible? Why are some people more bothered about being pregnant than committing murder? Murder. Yes, boiled down, that is what it is.
   If you are pro choice and have read this far, I would hope you have empathy for me and try to understand why I believe what I believe. I do not hate women, I am not a bigot and I do understand. I do understand what it is like to be sexually molested, I do understand what it is like to carry, birth and raise a baby on my own. My baby’s father pressured me to have an abortion. I have been there, done that. I would not change a thing. Any “suffering” I may have endured during my life made me a better human, made me able to understand what others have to endure. I will never understand how one human being can end a helpless life, a life that cannot in any way defend itself. How humans claim life on other planets because of a single cell organism they found and will not recognize life in a human body just because it doesn’t start out looking human.

If you have an abortion for any reason, how can you call yourself a human?

I was thinking…about Slander, Bullying and Stalking

I got banned over a year and a half ago from Hub Pages.  I was fighting with my brother and his wife. All three of us were banned. Understandably so. I accepted my punishment. I went through my hubs and removed anything that could be remotely hurtful toward anyone.

I asked how long the ban was for, I never got an answer, but three months later I discovered I could publish again. This told me that my punishment was over and I had been forgiven and allowed back into the fold.

I am not quite sure why I was banned this time. I do know that someone who hates me very much came in and managed to get me kicked off. This was a person who had been banned herself months ago. I never had a problem in a year and a half until this person comes back (as several hubbers I might add) and makes my life hell again.

This happened last November.  I like Word Press, I really do, but I had built up a following and because of this person I lost revenue I had accumulated from my writing in there.

I never did any of the things she claims I did. I never wrote a hub about her until she wrote one about me. How do I know it was about me – she actually put my name in her hub, calling me names and saying I stole her copyrighted property. I did not. I repeated something she said in the comments. The comments are not copyrighted works of art. Though she felt it was okay to screen copy my works and send them to whoever she wanted. She also posted my private email address.

I do not understand how I was banned again. They knew I had been banned when they let me publish again. I had not changed my name. Why should I be banned for something they had already forgiven me for?

Can someone please explain this to me?

This has dampened my energy for writing.  I would like to get that back. It is hard to explain how it feels to have such hatred aimed toward you just because they think it is fun to do so.

This couple who claim I slandered them are the ones who are actually stalking and slandering me.  She put up on a local site that I threatened her with guns and knives.  She has told the world I sleep with anyone who will have me.  Is there any recourse to stop this kind of hateful behavior?  Isn’t what they are doing illegal?  I am not the first person they have done this to and I am sure I won’t be the last.